Betty Crocker is a liar

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So the kid and I wanted to make this for dinner, because … well, why not?

Who wouldn’t want a savory fucking cupcake for dinner?

Our first go-around wasn’t so successful, however.

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Sweet jesus the malformed easter pig. What happened?!

If there was a Pinterest for people who fuck up their dinner, we would have won. (I say “we” because I’d like to share the failure with my 6-year-old. She kept saying, “No, add more bacon. More bacon!” So between the rising dough and the bacon catapult, we were doomed from the start.)

I’d also like to say that Betty Crocker’s recipe is sort of crap, because it calls for too much dough and too long in the oven for the egg. Still, it’s a good idea worth tinkering with. (Jeez, what an ungrateful thing to say: “Thanks for the genius idea! Too bad you’re a liar ….” I apologize, Betty.)

Anyway …

We tried again, fiddling with how much dough to put in the pan, how long to cook the egg, how much bacon to add, etc.

And we won!

We won dinner!

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The egg remained in place during our second attempt but, alas, was cooked to within an inch of its life.

On our third attempt, we cooked the dough a little, and then added the egg, and then sat back and ate so many of these things that even Paula Deen would have said, “Slow down, honey chil’! Your pancreas is gonna catch fahr!”

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(Top photo credit: Betty Crocker and its test kitchen of filthy liars.”

Graffiti crafts

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Yes, we’re impossibly late with our Valentine’s Day crafts. But this is what happens when Hallmark plants a holiday in the middle of a house renovation

Emme wanted to do the 3D sucker-in-hand thing, but she wanted to have a “really awesome background.”

So we explored the Mission mural scene and found some graffiti she thought each kid would enjoy.

I printed the pictures and she did the rest, cutting background frames, gluing, X-acto knifing slits for the suckers. Pretty easy stuff. And I think they turned out great!

 

Dad's book of awesome projectsDad’s Book of Awesome Projects drops on May 18.

Find out more here!

 

Rainbow pasta: Blow your kid’s mind!

I posted about this idea over at my new crafty Facebook page and have been itching to try it out.

It was much, much, much more successful than I imagined.

Usually when I mix colors, they all sort of blend together and create a brownish sludge.

Mmmm. Here’s your brownish sludge pasta. Enjoy!

But the instructions were easy to follow and with a little on-the-spot tinkering, I think the dish turned out surprisingly well. Emme was ecstatic and demanded we save some leftovers for her school lunch.

You can find a detailed how-to through the crafty Facebook site, but here are some tips I figured out along the way.

Rinse. A LOT.

The instructions say to boil the pasta and then cool it down with cold water to stop the cooking. Make sure it’s cold before you move the pasta, in batches, to the plastic bags filled with food dye. (Probably best if you read the DIY first. I’m assuming you did.) Let the pasta sit in the dye for at least a minute; two is even better. Emme loved mixing it around.

Once colored, return each batch to the strainer and rinse like crazy, especially if you’re using a pasta with ruffles and creases, such as the farfalle. Spaghetti or something straighter might not need so much.

The instructions say to return all colored pasta batches, once rinsed again, to the same big pot for mixing. I recommend instead putting each batch in its own bowl, so that any excess colored water runoff doesn’t mix with other runoff and create a big brown sludge.

Again, mmmmmm.

When you’re ready for serving, you can add pasta from each bowl into your serving bowl and then microwave to warm up. This worked wonders to keep all the colors separate and vibrant until ready to eat. Even in the serving dish, the colors stayed perfect.

We just ate with butter and freshly grated cheese because we didn’t the sauce to taint the whole rainbowness of it all. I’ve definitely had more delicious pasta in my life, but this was the most colorful by far. Yes, yes, you can make an argument that dyed food probably isn’t the best thing in the world, but it’s not like it’s an everyday thing, and stop being so goddamn judgmentalish anyway. Enjoy life. It’s more fun that way.